Last night I learned what a crip walk is and why it was important for Serena Williams to be on stage at the Super Bowl doing it. I also learned that there is a Pulitzer Prize for music. Earlier I learned how to better capture a reflection in a photo by changing a setting on my phone. And last month I learned what fast fashion is, how it affects poor countries, and where to shop instead. I am better today because I have a new skill and a deeper knowledge about what's important to me. All from a teen.
When was the last time you listened to the insights of a teen?
According to Dan Siegel in his book Brainstorm, teen brains are at a unique and powerful stage of development where novelty seeking and creative exploration are rapidly expanding. They take risks in thinking that lets them innovate and think creatively due to "a drive to design new ways of doing things." This means they can give us new insights, help us make connections we didn't see, and show us new things we didn't think to look for. They get us out of our thinking rut. They also have their own passions and experiences that are different from ours and can expand our knowledge and experiences. We can learn a ton from our teens!
And how powerful must it be for them to have the adults in their life look to them as experts? To be valued for their ideas and not told their music isn't music? What if letting teens teach us helps them gain security and integration? Siegel believes it does and that can result in high self-confidence.
We so often think parents are the teachers and our kids need to listen and learn. And yes, we have so much we need to share with our kids so they can tie their shoes, and run the washing machine, and cook a meal, and manage their time, and become a functional adult. But allowing them to take the lead with us now and then shows them we value them and makes them more likely to values us as they progress to independence. Our relationship with our kids changes. As they become adults, they no longer need us in their lives as much, and feeling valued may just make them want us there.
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